Almost-Regret and Way Too Much to Digest

If I said that everyone has a past relationship that they cringe in shame to look back on, I think you'd know what an understatement that is. If you have not experienced such relationships, I applaud your success and wish that you are never acquainted with such almost-regret. But it's pretty much unavoidable, in my opinion.

I call it almost-regret because, really, I almost regret those relationships. There are only two (can we just collectively "Amen" for that, please?), but they taught me a whole lot about being self-reflective. I think in order to have a great relationship, you have to experience a "worst" relationship; it's pretty much entirely comparative. There's not some static definition of the perfect relationship. While the cliche idea is that, yes, the perfect relationship is relative, I think it's true that none of us even know what our perfect relationship is. We can identify what we need in a companion but that doesn't necessarily mean we know what a relationship with that ideal companion would look like.

Anyway, I appreciate those repulsive relationships in a strange way. I can look back, not often, but often enough to remind me of the raw humanity that we have to account for when we enter in to a relationship with someone else. Expectations are trouble (as we have all discovered) and you can't always trust in the way you think things are. But you also can't let yourself become consumed with doubt (both of which I'm guilty of - and I don't think it's uncommon to be).

My parents divorced four years ago. I can only recently begin to function outside of this truth. For the longest time, I've attempted to be rational about relationships to counteract the emotionally loaded relationship I witnessed crumble before me. But rational relationships between human beings is a significant paradox. Being rational, especially when the motive behind the rational thinking is fueled by emotion, is counterproductive. Dismissing the feelings behind human emotion is incredibly irrational.

The best way to overcome a failed relationship, whether it is your own or one of those close to you, immediately impacting you, is to embrace the fractured emotions and accept that there is always a better something waiting to happen to you, but only if you allow it to. I almost regret my parents' divorce but I've learned so much from that brokenness that I'm not sure where I'd be today without it (and, mind you, every family's divorce is different -mine was significantly messy).

Hopefully this made sense. Thanks for reading and, as Ellen would say: be kind to one another.

P.s. I had way too much to eat for dinner tonight.